Interesting how times move on, what was a massive issue one minuet is at best a minor incident at best the next. I Don't know how to explain it, but of late I have been getting to know my birth mother. Some weeks ago I went around to her house for coffee and chat. going in i felt something.
Was it empathy? or perhaps guilt? Honestly I don't know. But I did feel drawn to her I mean she's my birth mother after all and frankly after 40 plus years she owes me nothing and does not even neeed to show interest in me. But she's here non the less and I should nor pass up the oppertunity to at the verry least get to know her.
Leading up to the day of our meet up I had decided that calling her by her first name was just too much like hurling an insult, and after all she was at the end of it all still my mother. So the day arrived and she opened the door to her house. The house had featured on the documentary my brother Garry had made that I has watched only the night before. In it he had confronted my mother about their troubled past (off camera) and all kinds of thoughts raced through my head like:
- Is this what I'm going to end up like?
- Did she end up like this because of me and tracy being taken from her?
She opened the door with a smile and I greeted her with "Hello mum" But she didn't seem to hear it so I let it slide. I went in and she showed me to the living room. I met her husband who seemed like a really nice guy and she made coffee. From here two hours just flew past and I found myself forcing the effort to leave. I now find myself being drawn to her and we chat online every few days and I think I really do want her in my life. I'm under no ilusions that we will be a big happy family or we will have some kinf of fairy story ending. But she is my birth mother, she's where I came from and I do see so much of myself in her. My reactions, personality and its just so undeniable.
Time will tell...