Barry's Blog

Dunfermline based web developer, long lost brother, husband, father, & guitarist

Family - When the grass is always greener on the other side

With all the goings on in my life I would have to say that being found by my sister has to be both the most traumatic and most uplifting of all of them. I was raised by a wonderful adoptive parents. Really, I went without very little and although there was never any malice or abuse there was still a spark missing. I'd look at my wife's family especially when they would get together at her aunts house. I would sit in wide eyed wonder at how her cousins and her would all interact. The emotions and sense of belonging would be so overwhelming at times, and when I compare this to my family where i could not see my brother for months at a time and could catchup with a single sentence if and when we see each other. I have always felt like i didn't belong, like a Cuckoo being raised in another nest.

Fast forward to today and I have found my birth mother, sister, half brother and sister even a couple of cousins but it still feels like I'm being held at arms length and that I still am being rejected. After a conversation with my sister she helped me see that we both have wanted to belong, to be a family that the very idea of family has been built up in our heads for so long that nothing could ever match up to it when it actually happens leaving us disappointed.

Perhaps the problem really isn't everyone else. perhaps the actual problem is very much in my own head. There may not actually be quick fix, if there is indeed any kind of a fix to be found. Time will tell...

Categories: Family, Personal Log

Tags: adoption, separation anxiety, longing, belonging, rejection

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