Barry's Blog

Dunfermline based web developer, long lost brother, husband, father, & guitarist

Forgiveness: A meeting with my birth mother

As I posted before, my sister found me after 40 years and I also found out I have a half brother and half sister. During all this I was also told that our birth mother is also on Facebook.

This was something I was not prepared for (neither was finding out I had a sister….) In the back of my mind I always knew siblings as well as birth mother were a possibility. But finding them, coming face to face is something else. Since then I have chatted via FB and also on the phone. She was mainly curious that I have had a good life and I was ok. During it all I was searching for something. A feeling, a thought, a connection. When I was young, I was angry and confused. But time has cooled the fire and once burned and now as a father too I know the connection I have to my child.

In the end knowing what I now know from court documents and reports, I just don’t feel anything towards her. No anger no rage just nothing, she’s a name on a screen to me. She was never in my life and I have divorced myself from all my anger.

I’d never say I have forgiven her, because I never could. For what I know what happened to me, to my sister, for splitting us up I can’t forgive that! But I also won’t allow events in my past to rule my future, I have my sister and nothing and no one will ever split us up or rip us apart. There is no point in being nasty, aggressive or dismissive to her, but I also won’t call her mother. As for meeting her and going forward? I guess time will tell, I’ll talk to her if she has something to talk about but I won’t be looking her out for conversation.

Categories: Family, Personal Log

Tags: adoption, mother

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